Lacy Estelle [00:00:00]:
Hi, guys. Welcome back to an ADD Woman podcast. I'm Lacy Estelle, and, yeah, I haven't recorded and I haven't published in a while, and I apologize. Summer has gotten off to a very fast start. So I'm back now, and I'm really excited to talk to you guys about what I'm gonna talk to you about today because I actually had a listener it was either a listener or reader, reach out to me probably about a month ago now. And she asked me if I could do a podcast or do some more content around the gifts that come with ADHD and how ADHD can actually be more of a blessing than a curse. So that's what I wanna get into today. I'm really excited.

Lacy Estelle [00:00:46]:
And so, yeah, let's go. Welcome to an ADD Woman podcast. I'm your host, Lacey Estelle. This is the podcast where we talk about all things to do with ADHD from a Christian woman's perspective. I'm so glad you're here, and I can't wait for you to realize all the amazing things that God is doing in your life. So a lot of times when somebody is either thinking that they have ADHD, I feel like it's always with a negative connotation. Like, me me and my mom were just talking about this this morning, and she said that so often when she has, clients because she is a licensed master social worker, just so you know. So she does do therapy.

Lacy Estelle [00:01:36]:
She said when she has clients and she starts to suggest to them that maybe they have ADHD, they're always like, no. No. I don't. I don't have it. And, ironically, I actually was the same way. She was the one that originally pointed it out to me that I probably had it. And I think it was probably came shortly after her own diagnosis, and I was like, that's not even a real thing. Like, that was literally what I thought.

Lacy Estelle [00:01:58]:
I thought that ADHD was just a good excuse for people to you know, at the time, I never really thought of it as anything that, women had. I always just associated it with young boys. And what's even more funny to me now, I guess, what's even funnier to me now is that, at the time, I was dealing with my he's my oldest, but he was in, like, preschool at that time. And I was dealing with his obvious ADHD. Like, he was unruly. He was a crazy little boy, and there was no controlling him. But, of course, you know, I was doing what I think a lot of either ADHD parents or just ADHD people in general do, and that is I was blaming myself. And I was just immediately thinking, well, the reason he's like this is because of me, because I am not I'm I'm not having I don't have effective parenting or I'm not disciplined enough or all of the things because it was always I always assumed it was my fault.

Lacy Estelle [00:02:56]:
Right? So when she originally said it, she's like, you know, AC, you you definitely have it. And I was like, that's not even a that's not even a real thing. Fast forward, you know, a few years, we got to, 2nd grade with my older son, and he started to hate school. Now me and him have both talked, and there was a lot more going on than what was originally presented to me. He had a teacher that really just, I've spoken to other parents, and we we strongly believe that she may be in the wrong field because she just lacks, you know, the patience to deal with kids, especially kids who have high energy like my son did. And, so around that time, you know, a few of his teachers suggested to me that maybe it was, an attention thing, and I, reached out to my mom. And I said, you know, do we do you think that Jason could have ADHD? And she said, yeah. I'm shocked that you are only just now realizing that he has ADHD.

Lacy Estelle [00:03:52]:
So I in, seeking a diagnosis, I was like, okay. I'm going to I'm just gonna follow the prompts and see what comes of it. I don't wanna medicate him. I I don't wanna do any of that. And, lo and behold, you know and I feel like I've talked to lots of parents who said this same thing happened to them. We got the the paper because you get you get, like, a survey. You get a few surveys. And I got this survey.

Lacy Estelle [00:04:16]:
I think it was called the Connors. It was either the Connors or the Vanderbilt, test. And it just basically runs me through a bunch of questions. How often does this happen? How often is it impacting his ability to learn? Things along those lines. And there's things on there like struggling to sit still. Yep. That was totally my son. But some of them that were on there that I was not expecting was interrupts often when people are talking, struggles to maintain, cleanliness as far as like keeping things tidy in in your living space, struggles to keep things organized, makes careless mistakes, has been told or has been you know, it has been said to them that they're not living up to their full potential.

Lacy Estelle [00:04:57]:
And I started to go, oh my gosh. This is me. I have all of these same things. So, yeah, so that was when I first started to kinda go, okay. I I have ADHD. And then I went through, a grieving portion of my of my life where before I sought a a full diagnosis, with a neuropsychological exam and everything else, I was sort of grieving because I was realizing that I felt like okay. And I've I've heard others kind of explain it like this too that I I was I had been peddling and peddling and peddling and and and working really hard in school and doing all sorts of things. And and it it was almost as if it Estelle like I was and maybe this probably is an equivalent, but it it felt as if I had been given given homework or given schoolwork and told do this thing.

Lacy Estelle [00:05:55]:
And then I looked at it and it was in a foreign language. And it it's not because it was an actual foreign language, but that was that was kinda how I felt. And all this time, I remember looking around thinking, how come everybody else can do things that I just can't? Like, how come if I'm smart, then why can't I study like other people that I know? If I'm smart, why can't I finish a book? Or if I'm smart, why why can't I get my homework done? I must just be lazy or maybe I just don't care. You know? And I think that there is a part of ADHD that we we're definitely you know, God made us to be the the ones who push back, you know, the ones who who have we have to know why. Why am I doing this? Why is it important? And if it's just because you say so, well, especially as a teenager, that was not enough for me. But, you know, if the scenario were that I'm looking down and all of a sudden all the schoolwork was in a in a different language, What I realized once I had ADHD was that it seemed like everybody else had been given a translator, and I just wasn't. And so I was just told to just just do it. Just get it done.

Lacy Estelle [00:07:02]:
So it's like it's like I was being told to do a job and only being given half the tools that I would need to get the job sufficiently done. And not because, you know, my ADHD brain was lacking in the tools it was, but I was, you know, I was trying to operate here like everybody else, not realizing that I was actually down here as far as, like, my processing and everything else goes. Like, I I needed more time. I needed either medication. I needed more chemicals in my brain. I need I need all those things. Right? And so, you know, when I when you get told that, there's a part of you, once you realize that that you've been dealing that you've been coping with stuff and and it's been way harder for you than it would be for, like, a neurotypical person who doesn't have ADHD, You get kinda resentful that, you know, that you didn't see it sooner. And but then you also have this, like, this realization that, like, oh, I am I am smart or I'm, wow, I'm I'm not just lazy.

Lacy Estelle [00:07:58]:
Like, this is something that I can, like, I can tar I can treat this. You know? So after you go through all of that, there's a large part of you that still will feel like like almost like you're broken, and you're you're not broken. There are some really awesome things, awesome gifts that come with ADHD that I don't think we talk about enough, and it's because everybody's always looking at the negative aspects of ADHD, but the negative aspects of ADHD are more so to do with if you're truly trying to fit every child and every person into one specific box. We want somebody that does what they're told. We want somebody that listens to authority. We want somebody who doesn't ask questions. We want a child who can sit still in a desk. And I'll be honest with you.

Lacy Estelle [00:08:46]:
I would I would guess that if we were to go back a 100 years, specifically a 100 years before, you know, before school became big institutions, when school was just the schoolhouse down the street and you walked there and you only went there till 8th grade. I think at that time, had a child been willing to just sit in their class in the class and just do all of the work as it was asked to them and not question anything, I think we might have labeled that child as as ignorant. And and that sounds like such an insult. Right? But that's the thing is, like, when you have ADHD, you're going to have challenges that not everybody else has. But the great thing about those challenges is that they're gonna teach you and they're gonna teach the people around you usually different ways to get something accomplished. And sometimes at different ways, somebody might say, how come you didn't just do it a, b, and c? And instead you did a, then you did c, then you went back and did a little bit of b, and then you ran over to d really fast and you came back or whatever. But the thing is is that when you do those things, 1, you're building something called grit. They have done studies that show that there's 2 things, 2 things that really impact a child's projection to success.

Lacy Estelle [00:10:01]:
And I don't really know exactly how they're measuring success. My guess would be, you know, they go to college, they graduate, or whatever. And but, again, these are boxes that society has told us we have to check to have success. That's not what success means for everybody. Right? So but they have done studies that show that there's 2 primary things that are are good indicators of a child's future success, and those two things are grit and delayed gratification. Okay. So a lot of kids with ADHD, especially, like, teenagers. Okay.

Lacy Estelle [00:10:34]:
So, like, I would use my my teenage son as an example right now. He struggles with delayed gratification. He wants something and he wants it right now, and he wants it as soon as possible. Part of this is because of the society that we live in. But here's a really great thing that he has not yet learned, that when he wants something bad enough, he is willing to delay the gratification for the sake of doing something well. But that's the trick is he has to want it bad enough. Right now, he doesn't want grades, good grades, bad enough. What always trips me up here is people will say, okay.

Lacy Estelle [00:11:12]:
But, like, what do you do when you will never want a clean house? A clean house may never be to you what it is to somebody else who's neurotypical, but that's a that's a strength, not a weakness. Okay? My house, you can't see all of it, and I'm not about to show it to you. But you can't see all of it from my camera, but it it's not it's not in perfect order. It's in it's in disarray. And if you go back a few episodes, you'll listen to I had a interview with a woman named Carrie, and she said that based on my personality type, I can thrive in chaos. Well, that's a huge that's a huge component to grit. Grit is the ability to to continue to be resilient regardless of your circumstances, to continue to persevere regardless of the things that are thrown at you. When you have ADHD, one of the biggest things that we tend to have is grit, but it only happens if we have a growth mindset.

Lacy Estelle [00:12:07]:
Now if we have a fixed mindset where we tell ourselves if we can't do it, we can never do it, then we can really screw with our own grit. But if we tell ourselves, eventually, we'll be able to do it and that the reason why we can't do it right now is because of something internally, then a lot of times we will pursue it and pursue it and pursue it until we do achieve it. And sometimes that might take 10 years longer than our peers and sometimes it things come very naturally and quickly to us because we can immediately hyperfocus on it and we get that rush of dopamine of starting something new and we're like, yeah. I can do this really well. Okay. So, those are 2 really big strengths that ADHD people have. The other thing I would say is so my one son, we're actually getting ready to I'm getting ready to start to pursue a autism diagnosis for him. I should go back.

Lacy Estelle [00:12:59]:
I shouldn't say diagnosis. I should say at least an autism screening to see if to have him be tested for autism. As he's gotten older, his problems have shifted. When he was younger, it looked primarily like just learning disabilities. But as he's gotten older, the social component has kinda gotten him into some hot water, especially recently as he started middle school. And so I just wanna kind of make sure that if he does have autism and, he struggles with social concepts that we're addressing that and not just skipping over it. But this is my child who, you know, I think on paper, he would be considered dyslexic. He struggles with audio processing.

Lacy Estelle [00:13:36]:
He doesn't hear everything the way that everybody else hears it, so he also doesn't speak everything the way that everybody else would speak it. And because of this, it took him until 5th or 6th grade to be able to read. And he has worked so hard in we call it vision therapy, but it's not exactly vision therapy. I mean, that is but I don't know if that would be the technical term of it because it's a combination of convergence therapy, which has to do specifically with the eyes, but it also has to do with some occupational therapy practices, some reading practices, literature, phonics, all those different things, and they incorporate all of that into, there's a behavioral optometrist that we see. And that behavioral optometrist does also stuff with to deal with the sensory issues that, like children with autism struggle with. And in that, for years for years, he used to ask me. He used to beg me. Mom, what's my talent? Mom, what's my talent? When are when are we gonna find out what my talent is? And I used to break my heart because I had this older child who, classic ADHD, but also very gifted.

Lacy Estelle [00:14:42]:
If he picked something up and he decided he wanted to do it, he could do it within a matter of days. Then I had my younger son who you could tell naturally, like, in his, you know, in his nature, he had the capability to be very athletic, but he was stunted by his inability to regard spatial awareness properly or to estimate the time it would take him to do something or, something that a lot of autism autistic children and even children with just learning disabilities like my son struggle with his clumsiness, which again comes back to that spatial awareness component. And so things that he was good at, he kind of did in, like, a clunky way. And I used to joke and I used to tell him, well, you're just like my puppy with big paws. You know? Because if anybody who's listening to this has had a dog, you know, especially when they're a puppy, if it's a larger breed, they kind of while they're growing and and come to find out, clumsiness can also be a growth spurt thing. But while they're growing, they're kinda clunky and they're falling over themselves because they've just got these giant paws that they they have to grow into. And I used to joke about that. And then now that he's older, I've told him, I'm like, gosh.

Lacy Estelle [00:15:52]:
I I feel bad that I've said this because, like, right now, he's going through a phase of being extremely clumsy, and I'd imagine it's because he's growing. But I told him the other day, I said, you know, we out in the car, and he has come so insanely far with his vision therapy. He he actually, not that long ago, he got in the car and he said so and he just nonchalantly said this. So I finished this book and he handed me this graphic novel. And he said, so my teacher wants me to try another book, but she doesn't want me to read another graphic novel. And I was like, okay. And so what book was she wanted to try? And he was telling me, like, it was either diary of a wimpy kid or it was another book along those lines where there's some animated, animations throughout the book to kind of break it up, larger print, but still very much a young adult novel. And then it totally it totally flew over his head and I said, Cal, do you realize that you you just told me you finished this book? And he's like, yeah.

Lacy Estelle [00:16:50]:
So I said I said, you finished this book, this whole book. You read the entire thing. He's like, yeah. And he said, and you understood what you read. Like, you can tell me who the characters were, what it where it took place, what the problem was. And he's like, yeah. And I'm like, you realize that's the first book you've ever read cover to cover? And he was like, really? And I'm like, yeah, son. Like, this is this is a big deal.

Lacy Estelle [00:17:10]:
This is the first book you have ever read cover to cover. And he was like, Okay. Like, he just lost on him. And had he not been so nonchalant about it, I probably would have burst into tears. But the truth is is I told him after we had that conversation, I told him just recently. I said, I figured out your talent. And he was like, okay. What is it? Share it, please.

Lacy Estelle [00:17:32]:
And I said, it's perseverance. It's resilience. And he's like, what? How is that how is that a talent? I said, well, listen. I'm now realizing that the contrast between you and your brother, okay, it's it's not just ADHD. And I it's not I don't like to compare my children. I don't. But a lot of times when I'm talking about ADHD, I have to kinda compare them because in our household, it presents differently for me. It presents differently for my oldest.

Lacy Estelle [00:17:58]:
It presents differently for my middle son and my daughter. And my preschooler and my infant, we have no idea what's what what their future looks like. So I like to kinda compare how something is stunting one of my children in one direction, but also allowing for them to grow in a different direction, and and then the same thing for my younger son. So a lot of times, people would look at my younger son and they would say, oh, yeah. Well, he's dyslexic. He's got he's probably got dyscalculia. He actually I don't think he has dyscalculia. He does flip some of his numbers, but not nearly as bad as he does his letters.

Lacy Estelle [00:18:32]:
And they they would probably write him off, And they would write him off because they would say, well, he's only gonna get so far, or he's he he might be lucky if he graduates high school, or he might be lucky if he gets an associate's degree. He has his sights set so high on what he wants to do, and so he has been working tirelessly on keeping his grades up and perfecting his his ability to do certain sports. And it's this drive in him, not so much that he wants to prove anything to anybody, but just that he wants it. He wants it, and he knows what he has to do to get there. And regardless of how difficult it is for him, regardless of his eyes or his his processing delay or any of that, he is willing to try whatever he has to try to to accomplish what he wants to accomplish. I used to watch him play with Legos, and he would want the Legos to create something very specific, and he would be working through tears. He'd be crying because he just could not get them to do what he wanted them to do. And I would tell him, like, do you want me to help you? No.

Lacy Estelle [00:19:31]:
I got it. I can do it. So in the aspect that, yes, it's a struggle for him and, yes, you know, you we can look at the negative side of things. We can look at the fact that, you know, he has to have all these different modalities to be able to accomplish the same amount of work as, you know, the child sitting next to him, But having to do that work, having to work that hard at your goals, at your small goals, it's building in him a part of his character that will never go away no matter how far he gets. And I love the idea of the fact this is all compound interest or at least it's going to create compound interest. The work he's doing in being willing to do the work of pursuing and pursuing and pursuing, that is going to eventually snowball to a point to where it will become second nature to him to set goals and then achieve them. Then you have my other son who is in this season of struggle. He doesn't fit the status quo.

Lacy Estelle [00:20:33]:
He's not the student that's gonna sit there and just listen to the teacher because that's what he's supposed to do. And even telling him that that's what he's supposed to do, it buries in him this innate desire to go, oh, yeah? Well, I'm not gonna do what you said just because you told me so. And, you know, we could easily classify that as ODD. Then probably a portion of it is or all of it is. ODD is oppositional defiant disorder, which, ironically, most of the traits in ODD used to just be categorized right under ADHD until they changed them and they decided to separate them. Ironically, though, for the most part, you're not gonna find a child who is neurotypical who has ODD. Just saying. Anyways, with that aspect in mind, I can't help but be proud of him.

Lacy Estelle [00:21:15]:
Am I proud that he is not that his grades are not reflective of how smart and capable I know he is? No. I have to tell him that, and I tell him that. I say, you know, you are smart enough to get better grades. I don't know. Then why not? You know, because to me, I tell him, I'm like, you know, you're probably working twice as hard as you would be working to get the bad grade than you could to get the good grade. And he's like, no. I'm like, okay. Well, what is it that you need? What is it that you want? What you know, because I want all I ask of my kids is that they graduate high school.

Lacy Estelle [00:21:48]:
What do they do after that? I'm not putting pressure on them either way. Now he says he wants to be he wants to go blue collar. He wants to work in trades, in skilled trades, or he wants to go military, and I'm all for all of those. But in the meantime, he does have to get a high school diploma. But gosh, what a talent he has to be able to look bold faced into somebody who says that I am the authority, and I say how things go around here. And his ability and willingness to say, why? Who put you in charge? Who says that the way that you're doing it is the right way to do it? Who says that this is what I'm this is what I have to do? He gets frustrated because he's like, they all they all think I'm stupid. I'm like, no. They don't.

Lacy Estelle [00:22:30]:
Your teachers don't think you're stupid. They actually know that you're really smart. That's what drives them nuts because you're smart enough to be a really nice kid. It's funny because I fully expect him to get high school and be so much like his father, and his father was, like, openly rebellious. You know? Like, he he fought in the hallways and all these things, and he is much more like me. Like, he he's kind. He wants to be nice to everybody. He doesn't mind having lots of friends, and and that is in his nature.

Lacy Estelle [00:22:56]:
He likes to be social. But if you set science work in front of him and you tell him he has to get it done, and if he doesn't, he's gonna fail. He's gonna say, okay. Well, then what happens? What happens then? I've asked him. I'm like, what do you what do you think to yourself, you know, when you're in class and you're struggling? And he's like, I asked myself, like, well, they can't keep me here forever. I could be in high school at 30. I'm like, I mean, you could. You could be.

Lacy Estelle [00:23:18]:
You could be still pursuing your your GED at 30. You know? That's the route that we take. But do you see how if you just if you just shift your perspective slightly, there are always two sides to anything that that is innately or in culturally or societally, socially considered negative. I know that a lot of parents, they get an autism diagnosis for their child or they get an ADHD diagnosis and they immediately start to think of all the things they won't be able to do. But have you ever asked yourself what things are they going to be more capable and more able to do because of this because of this this this speed bump? But to them, it's just it's just a part of who they are. It's just a part of their character. What sort of amazing, great, wonderful, glorious things are they going to be able to do because their brain is wired differently, Because they think differently, because they learn differently. They're gonna be able to solve problems that most people can't can't solve because that is how they have always looked at problems.

Lacy Estelle [00:24:22]:
They've always looked at it as well. If I can't solve it, then there's just something wrong here, and I just need I need a new I need a new perspective. I need to try to change it up, to do something different, to challenge myself differently. So I wanna challenge you to that. You know, it's May. It's mental health awareness month. I want you to ask yourself, of the mental health illness that you have, what sort of strengths is God building in you that you wouldn't be able to build or he wouldn't be able to do without the pain of being neurodivergent. Have a great day, everybody.

Lacy Estelle [00:25:00]:
Thank you so much for listening. What would really help me more than anything, if you feel inclined, is please leave me a 5 star review wherever you listen to podcasts, whether that's Spotify, Podbean, Apple Podcasts, all the like. It really helps for the show to show up for other people that maybe they need to hear it. Thanks again for being here. I appreciate you so much.